Find the Strength to stop Domestic Abuse

Are you worried that your partner, children or ex-partner are scared of you at times?

Are you worried about how you can behave in your intimate relationships?

If you’re reading this, you’re probably worried about some of your behaviours in relationships and you want to take steps to change them.

We’re here to provide local help for men who have been abusive in their relationships, we can support you to become safe around your partner and children.

Is your behaviour abusive?

Have you harmed the ones you love? Whether you’ve been abusive or violent once, twice, or many times, there’s probably a pattern to the things you do.

We encourage you to reflect on your behaviours and how they have harmed others. Becoming aware of how you’re acting will help you take control of your behaviours – and ultimately, stop. Domestic abuse is rarely a one-off event. It might occur frequently or infrequently, but there’s often a pattern of behaviour in abusive relationships. It may be physical, but it can also be emotional, sexual, financial or mental.

Starting to understand behaviours and triggers

People can feel angry, jealous, stressed or under the influence of alcohol and substances at times but these are not excuses to hurt and scare your partner, children or ex-partners.

Please read below for further information on these areas:

Anger and domestic abuse

Anger is not the cause of domestic abuse.

Everyone feels angry sometimes, but the key with any feeling is how we express it and how our feelings affect people around us negatively, particularly our partner and children.

When you feel that you have been wronged by your partner, or are angry at something they have (or haven’t) done, you need to be able to stop yourself from using abusive and violent behaviours. Up until the moment you are violent and abusive, you always have the choice to act differently.

Putting strategies in place to manage your anger in a healthy way, is the first step in a process that can help you stop the anger from escalating into violent or abusive behaviour.

Jealousy

Jealousy is something that most of us have experienced at some point in our lives; most people are able to identify and manage their jealous thoughts and feelings.

Many people who have been violent, abusive, and controlling towards their partner, identify jealous behaviours as a particular challenge for them.

Stress and domestic abuse

Stress is something that most of us experience from time to time.

It’s a feeling of being under too much pressure and can be a normal response to the ups and downs of life. The key with any feeling is how we express it and how our feelings affect people around us negatively, particularly our partner and children.

Many people who have been violent, abusive, and controlling towards their partner, identify feelings of stress as a particular challenge because it can contribute to their behaviour. Where there has been violence and abuse in your relationship it might feel easy to excuse your behaviour because you felt stressed. However, being stressed is not the cause of domestic abuse. Identifying what stress is and how it presents for you before putting strategies in place to manage your stress in a healthy way, is the first step in a process that can help you stop the anger from escalating into violent or abusive behaviour.

Alcohol, drug use and domestic abuse

Alcohol and substance misuse are not the reason or an excuse for being abusive in a relationship. They do however make matters worse and can prevent people taking responsibility for their behaviours by saying that "I was drunk" or "I was under the influence" etc. If you are suffering from problematic drink and / or substance misuse issues, we can refer you to experts who can help address these areas in your life as well as supporting you to address your domestic abusive behaviours.

No matter how you may be feeling it is never ok to scare your partner, children or ex-partner and now can be that time to make your changes for everyone.

We know it takes courage and commitment to admit to yourself that you have a problem with abusive behaviour and to seek the help that you need to change it. We understand how anxious you are likely to be feeling when you first make that call.

We want you to be assured that you will always be treated with respect.  Specialist Services are waiting for your call so they can support you step by step and help you find the right tools and to develop the internal skills needed, so that you can relate in a non-abusive and more loving way in all your relationships.

For further information and the offer of support to change your behaviours, please call your local specialist services: 

Hull- Strength to Change Tel- 01482 613403 - Visit their website

Click here to find a selection of resources from the Respect helpline. 

Support is also available via the NHS Liaison and diversion service on 01482 374483 or 01472 266511